Saying yes to happiness means learning to say
to the things and people who stress you out.
I look at my toddler and he can throw out a no without hesitation. In fact I lose count of how many “no” are in each and every day. My teenager has the skill of saying no complete with condescending “eye roll” down to an art form. So then I wonder why, as a mature woman I struggle to say the word “no”. Where in our development from child to adult do we lose the ability to say no without guilt.
In the professional business arena saying no comes with the territory of negotiation. It is a well-developed skill and none of us bat an eyelid at the rebuff. However within social situations, as soon as friends or family ask the question we are pushed into a realm of discomfort usually agreeing to something we don’t really want to do so as to save arguments or someone being disappointed.
My real life is heavily entwined with the responsibility and obligation of others. There are many times during the week I would rather answer truthfully, “No. Sorry, I don’t want to do that”. I am not granted that freedom as my actions impact greatly on others. Instead I grit my teeth completing the required task.
I had never allowed that obligation to seep into my SecondLife. For me SecondLife has been that place to do what I want, when I want, how I want. I am answerable to no-one, except the Lindens if I was to cross a certain line. No one relies on me for anything. The only obligation I have is to pay my tier on time or face an inventory return on grand scale.
The lesson this week is about recognising the need to set clear boundaries to say no at times. By saying yes when we want to say no we erode our self-love and risk resentment building within. Like other weeks the full lesson can be found here on Alexa Maravilla’s blog.
The Assignment for this week is to reflect on your relationships with people and make a list of any situation where you’re saying yes instead of the no you’d really like to. Consider the long-term effects of putting your needs aside, will this build resentment or add closeness to those relationships. After reflection respectfully deliver three “no”s, if you can.
Lately I’ve been feeling a touch of resentment and annoyance by the behaviour of some in SecondLife. I felt as if there had been a surge of selfishness. However after reading this lesson, I realized part of this problem lies within me and my actions.
Instead of excusing myself from conversations I didn’t wish to be engaged in, I have instead spent countless hours listening to the woe’s of the world or trivial tid-bits believing that as a good friend I must. As my time went astray and things couldn’t be completed my annoyance has grown. If I had been truthful an said after ten minutes of conversation “sorry, I’m busy right now.” then the feeling of resentment would never have had a chance to build with maybe some friendships not having been damaged in the process.
It certainly is an interesting point to ponder upon for the week.