Have you ever wondered what it would really be like to have someone tell you what to eat or what not to eat? How to dress or how often to exercise.
Most of us have experienced in life “mother” moments. Were love and guidance is delivered via sentences we dread hearing.
“Your not leaving this house wearing that skirt, you look like you work a street corner.”
“Do you really think you need that last piece of cake?”
Leaving talk about mother’s to another time and place I’ve decided to tackle a more risque subject. Like most adults with reading skills I spent last year with my nose buried within the pages of the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy written by E.L. James. Although far from being a literary masterpiece its popularity cannot be disputed with millions of copies being sold worldwide.
The amount of open conversation held in the public arena about this trilogy was interesting. From talk shows to current affairs, morning news breakfast to late night comedy sketches, 50 Shades of Grey was a hot topic of conversation. Discussions about sexual appetite, erotica, fetishes and fantasies became common topics at dinner parties, around work lunch tables an over coffee with girlfriends. As people across age groups devoured the story line there was this wave of wanting to discuss and understand sexual needs and desires.
Unlike most books of this type it didn’t fall completely into the “chic” romance category as many a man borrowed their wives, girlfriends and colleagues copies to see for themselves what the fuss was about.
Aside from a handful of kinky sex acts involving handcuffs, blindfolds and a feather flogger, most of the sexual contact within the books is mainstream sex, therefore making 50 Shades of Grey far from an instructional booklet on the lifestyle so I do sympathise with those living real BDSM lifestyles who often roll their eyes at 50 Shades being nothing more than some poorly written kinky creative writing exercise that tickles the imagination of those who fantasise about something not so “vanilla”.
Whether you participate or not, SecondLife for as long as I can remember has had a fairly open and transparent sexual overture. Just as 50 Shades opened the eyes for some to different S&M activities, SecondLife can allow people to explore their fantasies within a safe context.
With the popularity of the books, BDSM relationships appeared to flourish inside SecondLife, with many people “playing” the role of Dominate or submissive. It will be interesting to see when the movie is released in 2014 whether the easier to digest visual version instead of text will cause another spike of interest in all things “kinky”.
Most within SecondLife have little knowledge regarding the lifestyle and few truly understand the deep level of trust and commitment that are the corner stones and foundations to any BDSM relationship using it as nothing more than an excuse to rezz funky looking play toys and enjoy some fantasy erotic sex that within a real life situation neither would engage in.
However, is this “pretending” or lack of knowledge a bad thing?
My personal feeling is that any activity that allows people to think and explore their inner needs and desires whilst being within a safe context where harm is minimal is a good thing. Far too often in life we are constrained by social settings and standards. Others place their judgements and expectations upon us and we behave accordingly.
So if reading erotica, watching adult movies, chatting in adult chat rooms or exploring the sexual side of SecondLife provides an opportunity to greater understand your sexual thoughts and behaviour then I see no harm in it.
With that being said, I share frustration maybe with those who live and breathe these alternative lifestyles. I am a firm believer in researching the why and how to fully understand behaviour and desires. I see no point in “playing” domination or submission if you are not going to sink deep within and see what it is that feeds your desire to experience that role.
For the most part 50 Shades of Grey and SecondLife BDSM mostly end up like an age old fairy tale on steroids. Full of fantasy and little substance.
The submissive female is saved by an alpha male hero who is usually a good looking tortured soul. His willingness to protect is usually edited by the female to .. protect and care. With little acts of kindess the female projects the image of falling in love. After all, who engages in sexual behaviour if there is no emotional base? (feigns shock and disbelief). Anastasia did end up Mrs Grey living happily ever after. so maybe a collar is just a bigger version of a wedding ring?
Just some random thoughts swirling around my mind. Would love to hear others views .. .anyone for some cake and coffee?