I have spent a few weeks sitting on these lessons as I worked through what they required and suggested. Given I don’t really struggle (or so I thought) with a self-worth issue this lesson was challenging to work with, especially when faced with converting it into an improvement for my second life.
When deliberating about our personal net worth, far too often we link this make-believe point value with visual factors of pure materialistic nature. Such as what we have achieved in life, how financially secure we are and how we look. More often than not we fall short of the imaginary required standards and instead of feeling worthy we depress ourselves and can even feel worthless.
Instead of looking at the what we “have” we should be concentrating on the deeper inner qualities that define us as the person we are. Compassion, honesty, loyalty, dedication, committment, strength and courage, to name just a few character traits.
Living within a mostly perfect virtual world, avatars in SecondLife although different in look, all remain gorgeous. As we parade about in the latest fashion, which we rushed out to get when the key event opened, it is important to remember that it is not the “look” we wear but our unique personalities which our avatars offer others which makes every set of pixels worthwhile.
One of the greatest lessons to learn in life for anyone is understanding the true value of themselves. Whilst completing this week’s assignment it quickly became apparent that I view myself very differently to those within my inner circle. I did not need to seek this information as it suggested, instead I am blessed to be surrounded by people who openly share their feelings and thoughts at all time.
Something I am aware of doing in real life is putting my own needs behind those of others. My children’s needs and wants are always paramount. I will often shift appointments and wait to get things done at a time that the impact on my spouse is minimal. I even never book a hair appointment on a Saturday because I feel that working people deserve that appointment more. This highlighted to me a feeling of “not being worthy enough” given that with a toddler in my care Monday – Friday, Saturdays actually are my only convenient day.
Having always had the view that my second life is about me, for me. It surprised me when I realized how this facet of myself had snuck into my SecondLife in the past years. Instead of logging in when I wanted, I had begun logging in just to not disappoint people. When I was in the middle of things, I would always teleport to help someone sort things out right then, instead of just saying, “I can help later if you like”. The amount of time I spend in random chit-chat conversation, when before the “ding” I had been buried deep in concentration, completing work before a deadline hit. Or the biggest revelation was acknowledging the amount of times I remain silent after someone has annoyed me; said something offensive; or crossed a boundary.
These things on their own do not make up whether I see myself as worthy or not. What I think they do highlight is the importance for me to be aware this is something I do. Now I have started actively choosing which moments I put myself first and which I’m happy to come in second behind everyone else.
© The Best Year of Your Life by Debbie Ford
Your Self-Love Assignment
Make a list of the thoughts, behaviors, and choices you make that leave you feeling unworthy. For example, do you complain about yourself? Do you neglect your diet or exercise program? Do you engage in activities like gossiping or overspending and then feel bad about it? Make the powerful choice to stop doing the things that leave you feeling unworthy.
Interview three people whose opinions you admire. Ask them to tell you two things that they love and appreciate about you. Write down what they share, and read this list to yourself every day this week.