a SECOND for Imagination

PurpleButterfly Lykin

Lies and Misdemeanors

  If your grandmother googled your Second Life name,

 would she be proud of what she found?

2014 06 10 PB at Snow Lion  - Reflection

Today was my Second Life 7th rezz day. There was a time long ago, in what now feels like a different life, that I would eagerly count down the date knowing that I would celebrate surrounded by friends with a party. This year, like the two before it, I’ve spent the time alone, reflecting on my experiences within Second Life.

Of course I would like to think that the majority of these memories are happy ones, otherwise it would become blatantly obviously that I’ve wasted seven years of my life inside a computer and who is ever going to admit to that!

There is enormous value in friendship given when there is no ulterior motive. Over the years I have been privileged to make special friendships which indeed span the entire seven years. Amalaki, my original reason for joining Second Life and first avatar love is still one of my closest and dearest friends. Sharing real life information, compassion and genuine care has ensured people like Frankx; Dremmy; Alexa; Ratbag; Trav; Paris; Sita; Dani and Juggy all have a special place in my heart.

These are the people behind my reason to log in. They are who I miss when I struggle to find my place in the world. Without them to share conversations and fun times with my life in-world would be rather pointless. After all, there is only so much shopping and decorating one can do.

With hideously huge real life size 10 feet, those ultra pretty super dainty strap heels are a fantasy only my pixel person can fulfill. In a world where almost everything fits, a bursting inventory is proof of seven years of shopping fun!

There is an abundance of talent waiting to be enjoyed. The creative endeavors of others, be it art displays or live performances. Many nights over the past seven years have been spent wandering the Lea sim’s and awakening my mind to different perspectives. With so much offered at the Second Life birthday events, not a single one has been missed. My biggest regret, for it is one of my favorite Shakespearean plays, is the curse of my time zone ensuring I never managed to catch a performance of Romeo and Juilet by The Basilique Performing Arts Company.

Yet for all the happy memories; the laughter and silly antics; the music and dancing; there is a dark side to seven years of life in a virtual world. Those lost friendships, lies and betrayals.

Although we move on, we never truly forget those moments, they leave their mark. Etched into the recesses of our memory the hurt, anger and pain remain. Sometimes changing our perception of the world we visit forever.

2014 06 10 PB at The Snow Lion - MemoriesWe have all heard the horror stories which are weaved into the fabric of online life. I certainly don’t plan to throw stones for only the innocent should do that. I know at times I have played the game as hard as others.

The person who feigns a terminal illness only to be discovered some time later on a new avatar. I’ll never forget finding a friend’s deceased partner happily dancing beside me as a buxom brunette new avatar. What was her undoing? Believe it or not, the same real life photo in profile. Maybe she believed and trusted that he would never share her photo with others?

Oh, there it is, that trust word.

Men masquerading as women and women masquerading as men. Personally, I think each to their own. Be what you want to be. Second Life is a wonderful vehicle for experimentation and fantasy. Yet there is a moral code somewhere that says if you are about to get intimately involved in someone’s life they deserve to know the truth. At some point guilt will get the better of you and the only guaranteed answer to the situation is death of the friendship for betrayal rarely is easily forgotten.

After grappling with questions of sexuality, eventually I decided to tick my experience off as my one and only lesbian experience on the “Second Life Must Do” list. A rather happy newbie couple the lucky recipients of a no longer required expensive engagement ring. Your lover getting on voice to say sorry and not being the sex you expected has little value, aside from shock.

As for cheating, a classification of which is still a heavily debated topic for online romance. Honestly, I’m beginning to run out of fingers to count the amount of men I’ve dated who were then found to have second (and even third) lives on alts. This might be more my choice of men, something I’ll choose to ignore given its my birthday. The dreaded hidden alt does however seem to be a commonly discussed reason for relationship breakup. Eventually we realize that the partnership box is viewed differently around the grid and if people want to screw around they will.

With the passing off of false careers; ages missing years; marital status or lack thereof; and fake photos; is it any wonder over time we become suspicious and jaded?

Goggle image search certainly helps bust those who blatantly upload off the internet. Although my basis has always been if your lady is a bikini clad swimsuit model or toned boxer clad beau, perfect for the pages of a magazine; chances are they are far from that image. Most residents in Second Life are your average Joe’s and Tina’s.

2014 06 10 PB at Snow Lion - Mushroom RingShould we question our need to verify information in a world of fantasy and imagination? Should we even be expecting honesty online? Especially when it is hard for any real accountability. In a world based on the visual treats of avatar and environment should we even need to seek additional real life information? These are but a few of the many questions that feed into one another.

The depth of feeling we have about being lied to will vary from person to person as much as the ways we handle the fall out from that deceit. There is no doubt that by passing off something falsely you are silently chipping away at a bond of trust which is a precious commodity in any life.  Once you open that door, everything could be placed under suspicion. Whether you are pushed into the realm of delete and forget or slapped on the hand then offered forgiveness, only you personally can know if that risk is worth it.

So as I raise my glass, instead of wishing myself a Happy Birthday; I congratulate myself for surviving seven years.

Eyeing off the chocolate cake, I am glad of two things;

1. There is no computer in my grandmother’s nursing home; and 

2. Those who were a fleeting moment in my life, left room for the amazing people who remained. 

Cheers All, PB x


14 comments on “Lies and Misdemeanors

  1. Dremmy
    June 10, 2014

    Happy Rez Day Butterfly! Enjoyed the read as always. Giggles at “thankful there is no computer in your grandmother’s nursing home”!

    • purplebutterflylykin
      June 14, 2014

      If my Nan knew about my SL antics Drem, I think I would be praying for the dementia to kick into overdrive LOL. Thanks for the birthday wishes.

  2. Trav Neox
    June 10, 2014

    Happy Rezz Day, PB. Sorry I missed it. Once again your bit of wisdom reaches inside of me. SL really is a strange place and it draws me like a magnet. Cannot seem to ever get enough of it. 1 minute here, 1 minute there, but still always lurking. I want to see your computer ;-)) Well on second thought, maybe not. Hugs

    • purplebutterflylykin
      June 14, 2014

      Even the NSA would not want to read my computer Trav LOL. You may not always be around but you are always in our thoughts. Hugs.

  3. Slynny (or Anee)
    June 10, 2014

    For someone who should be eating cake and celebrating, you have been doing some serious thinking, sis. As Trav pointed out (and points out in almost every blog :P) your writing is once again wise and thought-provoking. You’ve given voice to something that everyone must deal with at some point in their online existence, be it in SL or elsewhere. Each of us handles the betrayal differently, our relationship with the one who lies to us and our past experiences all merge and influence how we are going to accept the dishonesty. It is a topic we have discussed time and time again and yet can never come up with a final answer on how to handle it.

    As you know, I no longer have room for any lies in my life. There have been just too many for me to even humor someone along anymore. I see it as insulting to my intelligence if they think I won’t find out and I see no need for it. It is easier to just keep the fantasy a fantasy rather than volunteer false information. I have tried in the past to forgive, but I can never forget, and as you point out, it just plants the seed of doubt in a person and one will always wonder if what someone says is true. I also know that you tend to be more forgiving than me, and view things from a different perspective, but that just means this conversation is never quite over. 🙂

    • purplebutterflylykin
      June 14, 2014

      This is one of those topics, just like how sharp the point should be on those rocks; that we just never reach a conclusion on sis. I love that it is just one of the many topics we have lively debate on. Thanks for the comment and compliments. Hugs.

  4. Juggy
    June 11, 2014

    Cheers PB, happy happy rezz day to you……and up to the 8th!!! 🙂
    Good to have you back, I still enjoy each and every post of you!

    • purplebutterflylykin
      June 14, 2014

      Thanks Juggy for the birthday wishes. So glad to see your still enjoying the posts because I still love writing them.

  5. spunknbrains
    June 11, 2014

    Good read sis… lots to take from it.. and it’s not bad turning another SL year. 😀

    • purplebutterflylykin
      June 14, 2014

      Chuckles well it does mean I can start sentences with newbie folk with “back in 07 the grid was a very different place ….”

  6. Cougar Sangria
    June 11, 2014

    Wishing you a happy rez day. Happy you are back and yes a very good read. ♥

    • purplebutterflylykin
      June 14, 2014

      Thank you Cougar for the birthday wishes. I am also glad to be back posting and reading blogs again. Now just got to find the rhythm to include everything into my schedule.

  7. Becky
    June 11, 2014

    Ok. That does it! I am not going to responsible for one of your biggest SL regret!! We are putting on an Aussie R+J when we bring it back to the Basilique Stage – Happy Rez Day to you! What is the best SLT for this on a Saturday or Sunday? This time, we’re going to make it happen.

    • purplebutterflylykin
      June 14, 2014

      HAHAHAHA omg Becky I never was putting blame on your feet!!! But in saying that YAY lets make an Aussie version happen some time this year! Your winter/our summer is the best chance of time zones aligning and the Commonwealth coming together without one part of it being sleep deprived. Gee we might even get some of our Kiwi and Canadian cousin’s along.

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PurpleButterfly Lykin

PurpleButterfly Lykin

Just a virtual girl living in the virtual world SecondLife.

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