It’s all about what you see …
Doing everything that I believe in
Going by the rules that I’ve been taught
More understanding of what’s around me
And protected from the walls of love
All that you see is me
And all I truly believe
I’ve learned to love
And believe in life
But you’ve got to make choices
Be wrong or right
Sometimes you’ve got to sacrifice the things you like
No point in talking what you should have been
And regretting the things that went on
Life’s full of mistakes, destinies and fate
Remove the clouds look at the bigger picture
~ Delta Goodrem: Born to Try
The universe was sending me little messages this evening as I wandered about the grid. On the spur of the moment I snapped this picture whilst visiting Baja Norte. My original intention was to photograph the dress I was wearing, a long ruffled hippy style from Zenith which left thoughts of my grandmother rattling around my head.
But my head had other ideas. It’s been a rough week, and its only Wednesday!
I have spent the past two weeks doing pre-classes to help prepare and ready myself for another tough university semester, which is now only a week away. In among battling the work load my body is attempting to get use to the medication needed to treat my damaged nerve. Thanks to my studies I am fully aware of how the drugs work and what they are doing to the receptors in my brain but “knowing” doesn’t prepare for the actual side effects.
Usually one who is well-balanced, it has been hell to deal with swinging energy and emotional levels. After the first two sleepless nights watching the sun rise due to hyperactivity I have somewhat embraced the nights where the other drug kicks in first and has me reaching for my pillow and teddy.
Fighting the impact upon my short-term memory I grab post-it notes and write little reminders so at least some of those important documents I have read this week are not all for nothing. Of course the post-it notes didn’t remind me that my son needed a clean and ironed school uniform for photos in the morning, well not until 1am when I came across THAT one.
But the biggest sacrifice I am having to make these days in my attempts to mend that which I’ve broken is the heightened feeling of anxiety. I hate how the tension wells up inside and the pulse begins to race. I know the signs and thankfully the tools of the trade to settle and calm before it gets out of hand but of all the side-effects this is the one I dislike the most. It makes me feel not like me.
I will not waver on this treatment path, even if it means sacrificing little pieces of me for the next little while because it is the bigger picture I am focused on. With a second chance dangled in front of me for recovery, regardless that it be slow and painful as the lyrics say, I was born to try and try I will.
The first of probably many 3am ramblings to come, so thanks for hanging out with my tired but awake mind. Next time I’ll serve donuts.
Hugs PB xx
Hair: Tukinowaguma – Edana
Dress: Zenith – Lana Long Dress
Necklace: CAE – Interlaced Collar
Earring: CAE – Intima
Pose: Diesel Works – Scarlet 6
Location: Baja Norte