Aside from the fact that seeing “YOUER” sends shivers down my backbone and has me reaching for the grammatical eraser this quote holds untold wisdom within that simple selection of words.
The slap in the face, obvious message, is that you are a unique being which no other can copy or emulate. Your thoughts, dreams, desires and experiences cannot be copied into any other human being or machine. You are amazingly unique! So release those binds of self-doubt, embrace who you are and be proud of what you stand for.
But there is more!
By simply spinning the message around and viewing from a different angle we get five high impact words with what I believe have the ability to eliminate those feelings of guilt and regret we so often experience when faced with rejection and conflict.
As humans we have the ability to think, plan, understand cause and effect (without having to actually experience it), change behaviour, empathise and experience a spectrum of emotions as vivid as the most beautiful rainbow after a mid afternoon downpour.
Think of all the times in life when you have tried, probably with great difficulty to toe the line set by someone else.
Now before eyes start to roll, I am not talking about the society rules which bring us freedom and security like, you know, we shouldn’t kill one another (and we shouldn’t!) but more the personal obligation and standard hurdles that are so often thrown upon our path attempting to make us fit some special requirement list.
As I share my story, if you can, imagine a current crossroad crisis you are experiencing and maybe your own direction will become more clear.
Recently I lost a long-standing friendship. Many reasons lead to the eventual firestorm which razed this friendship to the ground but it was only as I stood at that junction, where there was simply no more words to be said which could solve the conflict, that the amazingly simple truth stared into my face….
“We just couldn’t be what the other needed us to be.”
We have all heard those words, in fact I would be so bold as to say we have all even used those words at some point in the battlefield of relationships in our lifetime.
Often used as “the” explanation for why something didn’t work out with little extra information attached, we use it to negate guilt, yet for some reason it rarely works.
But what if we used the five words above, “You cannot be anyone else”
and change it into the plural, “We couldn’t be someone else.”
Wow, what a refreshing way to think! No blame, no deep sighs or unfilled pauses and uncomfortable silence. Just a fact; we are who we are and we cannot simply change, no matter how hard we may wish we could, just to help someone get over an issue.
Friendship in the end can only exist when there is acceptance of the whole person. That among the happiness, laughter and inspiration you find acceptance for their faults, flaws and disappointments. Because, they are who they are and cannot be someone else.
If we accept we cannot be anyone else then we MUST also acknowledge that no one else can be anything but themselves. Such a simple concept!
Then as we look within when faced with hard decisions we can be secure that it is “our” thoughts and beliefs we will find waiting as our answer and not ones born from guilt or obligation.
As for my situation, when using that concept, immediately it becomes an equal playing ground with the needs and wants of both of us becoming equally as important and justified. Conflict resolution has no tried and true formula, I wish it did. It requires honesty, negotiation, sincerity and understanding. But by honouring the “we” in “we cannot be anyone else” no fault should be found on either party if common ground cannot be found.
What do you think? Do you think this idea might help you unlink those chains to past guilt and regret and find freedom? I would love to hear your thoughts down below.
Hugs, PB x