I been down in the trenches, you should know but you don’t pay attention
You wouldn’t know real talk if it screamed out loud in your face, now listen
You got away with it, I believed you for a hot minute
Could’ve used a friend in the moment but you had to go ghost, leave me lonely
Where were you when I needed you?
Tell me, where were you when I needed you?
– JoJo : FAB
Having spent 20 years online connecting with people I’ve had what I would call the luck and the misfortune of making many friendships online. Some of these have survived the test of time, whilst others faded out to just dull memories and a few have spectacularly imploded with the most dramatic effects.
A younger version of me would probably say I’m throwing a bucket of “shade” with this post, and the older version of me is simply going to nod and say, yeah guess I am. But I’m fed up, angry, and over the fake bullshit that so many online friendships are.
I’m not going to rave and rant like a crazy woman, cause lets face it, no one comes to blogs to read that. But at the same time I know for my own peace of mind I need to put my feelings down in words to be able to let go of the anger and move on. Whilst I’ve hinted in previous post of issues, quite simply, the last two months in both worlds has been nothing short of pure hell; which I have been struggling to simply survive and get myself and those I love through.
I am fiercely independent and use to having to do battle on my own in life, so I will be the first to say I build walls and don’t let many into my inner circle. Nor do I find it easy to ask for help and have someone in the corner fighting with me. Over the years, without hesitation, I have stood by in support for so many people, even at times putting myself in the line of nasty rumors and gossip to protect and shelter those who I cared about. Well this month I really needed someone to do the same for me. I needed support, I needed love and I need compassion. I needed to know people cared and I needed to know I was important.
So to all the people who I’ve deleted off my friends list tonight and blocked, if I do happen to cross your mind between your snow ball fights with lovers or when shopping the latest sale events and you wonder .. hmmm why did she delete me, or what happened? Right here is where you will find your answer.
Where were you when I needed you? I’ll tell you. You WEREN’T there!
And whilst this post is no doubt awkward and confronting, I do thank those very few people who have reached out with a hello and chat. Whilst you did not know that for that brief conversation you were a shining light in a very dark world, I want you to now know that I will be forever grateful for your little show of kindness.
If you can, find the time to go through your friends list and say hello to those people who genuinely warm your heart. Because one day, they just might not be there.
Take care everyone,
Hugs, PB xx