I am pretty,
but not beautiful.
I am good,
but not an angel.
I do sin,
but I am not the devil.
I have friends,
but I am not the peacemaker.
~ Marilyn Monroe
The symbol of a set of Angel wings became a token of mine after surviving traumatic events as a young adult. At the time I picked a picture of a sorrowful girl with jet black wings as they represented the flawed person I felt I had been left. Yet as the years passed and I healed, I began to realize that black wings instead represented strength, courage and resilience. Those very characteristics we rely on to survive when life has gotten tough.
Upon the birth of my first child, my grandparents presented me with a miniature handcrafted porcelain baby lying asleep on a pillow with tiny white wings upon its back. Given the extreme childbirth complications, my son was certainly a gift from the angels. Years later, upon the death of my grandfather, my best friend presented me with a beautiful large grey stone set of wings, folded in protection. My grandfather had been my fiercest protector and advocate and to this day, those wings hang above the door to my bedroom watching over the main living areas of my home.
Whilst I am not a believer of any official form of religion or pray to any God, I have always in times of trouble closed my eyes and retreated, seeking solace in the protection of the Angel wings of my Guardian Angel. Over the years, people have often asked (or debated) on how I can have such a firm faith in angels but not in a God. The only answer I can offer is; because I do. Not much of an answer I know but regardless what we believe in, we can reach agreement that there is a power greater than us which can give us strength, bring us clarity and guide our decisions if we are prepared to listen and feel with only honesty in our hearts and souls.
Because of life events I have always been a sensitive soul, where my heart feels everything deeply, be it joy or pain. Just like in real life, Second Life over the years has given me both of those feelings in bucket loads. Along this journey which we all take, I have laughed with friends till I couldn’t breathe, wishing I wasn’t a woman who had birthed two children and didn’t do enough kegel exercises! I have also sadly lost those same friends over time. Sometimes dramatically and sometimes we have just drifted away. I have loved with an open heart many times, only to have to glue broken pieces back together as the name disappears off my friends list and we enter a twilight zone where we plead ignorance of knowing one another.
Someone should cue “We don’t talk anymore” by Charlie Puth and Selena Gomez and autostream it into SecondLife, because trust me, given the fluid nature of relationships (and friendships) it will be relevant to someone, somewhere in world.
I treat my SecondLife friendships just like my real life friendships, with honorable intentions and commitment to loyalty. There is not much I wouldn’t do for someone if they asked. Yet, I do not believe that friends should hold back voicing their opinions and having learnt over the years that my blunt Australian delivery often comes across far more damaging in text, hence I have tried to tailor my expressions, sometimes successfully, sometimes not.
After a particularly nasty bust up which seemed to involve every avatar and their pixel dog, I learnt to not prolong the drama of a failing Second Life friendship. Once the red flag has been waved, rarely now do I offer more than once chance to fix things. After a month if the other party has continued to ignore me I remove them from my friends list. I have never been one who just collects names on my friends list. For many I recognize this seems a hard stance to take, but for any person who feels deeply, it is necessary so as to remain sane in a world where people simply feel free to walk in and out of your life.
I do try not to be bitter when friendships end, because after all, at one point that very same person was dear to your heart. Sometimes it can be hard, but most of the time I actually understand the course that has been traveled and move on happily, knowing that those special shared memories will always be there.
But and it is a big but, there is one thing that pisses me right off and that is when the friendship ends because the friend found a new love interest and suddenly the rest of the world no longer matters anymore. REALLY!??!??! After years of watching this happen I’ve tried and tried to understand why this happens. Are people simply just shallow? Or are they just lonely and need more love and attention? Could it be jealousy, temptation and lack of trust that encourages people to cull their lists? It just seems so ridiculous.
We are all adults and as such should be capable of maintaining multiple friendships (even with people from the opposite sex). Just because Mr or Mrs Right has walked into your life doesn’t mean you need to throw away long term reliable friendships. Nor does everyone have to get along; there is enough hours in the day and time zones to be able to see people without raising the angst of one another. It just takes effort. And maybe that is the real answer. People stop investing in the friendship.
Who’d have thought wearing black wings would put me in such a dark and thoughtful (and wordy) place today. As I’ve sat and contemplated all that has been 2016, I guess the only thing I can be certain of is, that the latest person to walk out of my Second Life won’t be the last, for no other reason than that is the nature of the world we live in.
With Christmas nearly upon us, I want to thank all of you for your support and readership this past year. Without you all, I would have no reason to keep writing and exploring. I know its been up and down with a few wild corners thrown in, but I accepted long ago that is what living life is all about. The unexpected.
May you all have a safe and happy holiday season and I look forward to seeing what 2017 brings for everyone. I’m personally plotting how I might steal a friends Labradoodle puppy from Canada but I’m not sure whether PB would look good behind bars wearing jail bird blue! Any suggestions leave in the comments below because the puppy is really really really cute!!!
Merry Christmas Everyone,
Hugs PB xxx
P.s …For the sake of friendship, I’m only joking on stealing the puppy .. I think 😉